The Clone Wars

My newest masterpiece comes out this summer. For those of you wanting more of the frothy imagination soup that my brain spews out on a regular basis, go see THE CLONE WARS. It's a cartoon, which means that even less attention has to be payed to things like plot or character. Yay! I love me! And now you can love more of me. As a promotion for my new movie, I made a clone of myself. I call him George Lucas 2: Electric Clonaloo. Let's just hope that he and I never get in a war with each other. That would be scary.

Lawsuit

People keep trying to steal my ideas. This guy claims that he designed the stormtrooper helmets. Ha! Everyone knows that the design came to me after I bashed my head on the statue that I made of myself in my garden.

Wonderful Me

I heard one of my underlings mention that the world is currently choosing a list of new wonders of the world because, apparently all the old ones were destroyed. Well, as long as we are making this list, I would like to humbly submit that I should be one of them. My massive creative brain created Star Wars, which will easily outlast any man-made construction like pyramids or temples. I truly believe that at the end of time, the last living human will die thinking of me.

HD-DVD vs. Blu-Ray

So here at the Ranch, we've been getting loads of questions about which format we're going to support for Star Wars and Indy, and when we're going to be releasing the super-ultra-special-wicked-enhanced-Jar-Jar-centric editions of these monumental films.  And my answer is this.

This entire format war is just silliness if you ask me.  And I won't be a part of it.  That's why the boys down at ILM are working on the new HD-R2.  He projects full 3D images directly onto your cornea, and if you attempt to blink, or take your eyes off my masterpieces in any way, he zaps you with his little static discharge thingy (static discharge thingy is a registered trademark of Lucasfilm.)

The best thing is, if you want to watch a different movie, we're developing our own storage format.  We've bypassed the traditional optical storage mediums (plastic discs for the unwashed masses) and even digital downloads, and moved on to the next quantum leap forward in storage technology.  Fruitcake.  That's right, a couple of our researchers have determined that the highest density substance on earth, and the one that can contain the greatest amount of information (stored in quantum nut form of course,) is nothing other than that delicious holiday treat.

We're working on a deal right now with Best Buy and FYE to get a dedicated Fruitcake aisle in store for Christmas 2008.  So go ahead and let your adoration flow, because, and you heard it here first, I, George Lucas, have solved the format war.

Now we just need to keep Jar Jar away from the fruitcake encoding machines, he thinks Temple of Doom is extra delicious.